Tips & tricks

Most men know it themselves: this just isn't right. As a man, you are not always in the mood for sex. In a relationship between two men, there is often more understanding for this fact, perhaps because both partners know how that feels. But in a heterosexual relationship, this can sometimes cause tension. Because if we are to believe the media and our culture, men are always in the mood. It is the woman who, due to headaches, stress, the children, or fill in the blank, is not in the mood. But guess what: men, women, and everyone in between are all just people. And people, in general, are more often not in the mood for sex than they are. So, let's debunk that myth. But how did this persistent myth come about? What's the real story? And is there really no difference in libido between men and women*. Why does it seem like men are more often in the mood? This largely has to do with how we are raised and the stories our culture tells. From an early age, boys are taught that sexuality for them should be natural and always present. Men who are not in the mood are quickly labeled as "not masculine enough." This causes many men to conceal their lack of desire, out of shame or fear of disappointing their partner. Women, on the other hand, receive the opposite signal: that sex is something you "give" to your partner, not something you actively desire yourself. These expectations influence how we talk about desire and how much space we give ourselves to be honest. The result? A distorted picture. Men pretend they are always in the mood. Women feel guilty if they are not. And hardly anyone talks openly about it. Is there actually a difference in sex drive between men and women? Research shows that, on average, there are some differences in how libido manifests, but these are not nearly as great as we often think. Women more often have what is called responsive desire: the desire only comes once they are already stimulated, not before. Men more often have spontaneous desire: the desire arises seemingly out of nowhere. This difference in pattern is often confused with a difference in intensity. But someone with responsive desire does not want sex less, the desire just starts differently. And men can also have responsive desire, although it is rarely discussed. What truly influences libido has little to do with gender and much more with: stress, sleep, hormones, self-confidence, how safe you feel in a relationship, and how attractive you feel yourself. Why might a man not be in the mood for sex? The reasons are more numerous than you might think. A demanding job, financial worries, or lack of sleep strongly inhibit desire. Testosterone fluctuates, which is normal and human. Depression, anxiety, and burnout significantly suppress libido, as do certain medications like antidepressants or blood pressure reducers. The relationship itself also plays a big role. If there is tension, unresolved conflicts, or emotional distance, desire often disappears first. And then there are physical complaints, pain, illness, or fatigue, which naturally also play a role. None of these things are a sign of weakness or a problem in the relationship. It's just life. In the mood to masturbate, but not for sex with your partner? This is an experience many people recognize but rarely talk about. And it applies to everyone, regardless of gender or sexual preference. Masturbation demands little of you: no coordination is needed, no attention for another, no performance. You set the pace and the moment yourself. Sex with a partner demands more: emotional presence, energy, connection. Sometimes you are ready for relaxation and physical release, but not for the whole interaction. That says nothing negative about your partner or your relationship. It says something about how much space you have within yourself at that moment. And that's okay. What do you do if you are in the mood and your partner is not? Firstly, and this may sound obvious but cannot be emphasized enough: never force anything. Sex should be voluntary and enjoyable for both partners. Applying pressure, however subtle, damages trust and intimacy in the long run. If you are in the mood and your partner is not, masturbation is also an option even in a relationship. That is perfectly okay. It is not a sign that something is wrong with your relationship, or that your partner doesn't find you attractive, or that the relationship is falling apart. It's just a person who is not in the mood for sex at that moment, just like you sometimes are not. What does help: open communication. Not at the moment itself, but in a calm conversation. What does each of you need? When do you feel more or less in the mood? What makes it easier or harder? For women in a heterosexual relationship If your male partner indicates he is not in the mood, it is not a rejection of you. It is not proof that he doesn't find you attractive, or that he is cheating, or that the relationship is on the rocks. He is just a person who is not in the mood for sex at that moment, just like you sometimes are. You don't have to feel guilty if he is in the mood and you are not, and you don't have to panic if it's the other way around. Desire is not constant. It ebbs and flows, for everyone, always. What helps: curiosity instead of assumptions. Connection instead of performance. And above all: the space to just be human. * In this blog, we are talking about men and women in a heterosexual relationship , but desire fluctuates for everyone, regardless of gender or relationship type. This one's for all of us.

5 ways to communicate in bed, without words "Just say what you like." Easier said than done. For many people, talking during sex feels awkward, stiff, or just... not the right moment. And that is perfectly okay. After all, communication doesn't always have to involve words. Your body is talking the whole time. The question is just whether you are letting it participate consciously. Here are five ways to make exactly what does and does not work clear, without saying a word. 1. Sound: moaning is feedback, not a side note A moan isn't just a sound; it's information. Responding louder and more often to what is working gives your partner a clear signal: this is it, keep doing this. Silence when something is less enjoyable works just as well in reverse. 2. Guide your partner with your hand Do you want a specific spot, pressure, or tempo? Simply place your partner's hand there, at the speed you find pleasant. No explanation is needed; just letting them feel what you mean is often clearer than searching for words. 3. Move along Pushing your hips toward a touch that feels good is one of the most direct signals there is. Your body is actually telling the story by itself. The art is to really let that story speak, instead of lying still. 4. Breathing Breathing faster and deeper with something that works is a signal that every body recognizes intuitively, even without you thinking about it. It is one of the most natural forms of communication that exists, and you don't have to "do" anything for it; it happens automatically as soon as you allow it. 5. Eye contact Looking at each other at the right moment says more than a whole sentence: stay here, this is it. Eye contact is subtle, but your partner almost always feels the difference immediately. Why non-verbal communication works Non-verbal signals take the pressure off. You don't have to find the right words in the middle of the moment, and your partner doesn't have to wait for an instruction to know if he, she, or they are on the right track. Moreover, it works both ways: the more you let your own body "talk," the easier it often becomes to simply add words to it at another time. The latter is the key. Non-verbal communication is not an endpoint; it is a stepping stone. Once you are used to giving signals, you usually find it less daunting to speak that same message out loud. What if you give signals, but nothing changes? Then that is the moment to put it into words, with a simple and positive sentence. Think of: - "That feels really good, stay there."- "A bit softer feels even better."- "Come here, let me show you." Being positive and concrete always works better than criticism. You are adjusting, rather than criticizing what was already happening. Getting to know your own body better also helps The better you know what you like, the easier it becomes to convey that (with or without words). Taking time for yourself, for example with a yoni egg to become more aware of your pelvic floor, or a vibrator like the Pawny to discover which touch works for you, is one of the easiest ways to build that knowledge. What you learn alone, you can then share together. Frequently asked questions about communicating in bed Why is talking during sex difficult for many people? Often out of insecurity, fear of ruining the mood, or simply because it feels awkward. Non-verbal signals are an accessible first step in that case. Is body language just as effective as talking? For many signals, yes. Sound, movement, breathing, and eye contact are often understood intuitively. For specific requests (like a certain spot or tempo), a combination of body language and a short, positive sentence is most effective. How do I start if I've never done this before? Start small: respond slightly more clearly with sound or movement to what already feels good. That is not a big step, but one that has an immediate effect. You don't have to have an elaborate conversation to have better sex. Sometimes a moan, a movement, or a look is enough to let your partner know exactly where you want to go.

You’re lying there, it’s all taking just a little too long, you realize your mind hasn’t been on the sex for a while, and then it happens: that convincing moan, that familiar little shudder, "yes, right there, oh my god." Faker alert. You did it. And you’re not alone; many others do it too. But here is the uncomfortable truth: faking doesn't solve anything. It can actually make your sex life worse. And here is why. 1. You deprive yourself of pleasure Every time you fake it, you send a clear signal to your body and your partner: this is enough, we’re stopping here. Even though you weren’t actually ready. Literally. You are missing out on an orgasm; the kind of relaxation, connection, and pure fun that your body deserves, because it just seemed easier to pretend. In the long run, you train yourself to believe that sex should stop before you reach your peak. That isn't a minor loss. That is denying yourself what is yours, time and time again. 2. You deprive your partner of pleasure Yes, your partner doesn't benefit from it either. Most people enjoy giving pleasure just as much as receiving it. If you fake it, you are stealing that experience from them. They think they’ve given you something wonderful, when in fact (not yet) they hadn't. Intimacy is about honesty. Faking draws a thick line through that, even if the intention is often well-meaning ("I don't want to disappoint him/her"). 3. You don't make any progress This is perhaps the biggest pitfall: your partner thinks whatever they are doing is working. So they keep on… doing it. Over and over. While you know in the meantime that it’s just not the right spot, pressure, or rhythm. Faking freezes the sex you have at its current level. There is no growth, no learning, no improvement. Because why would someone change something they think is already working perfectly? 4. It builds a pattern of distance Faking once is rarely the problem. The problem is when it becomes a habit. And habits in the bedroom are stubborn. Before you know it, you’re not faking once by accident, but as a standard practice, and an invisible wall begins to form between you and your partner that gets a little thicker every time. 5. Sex becomes a performance instead of an experience Faking fuels the idea that sex has a goal that must be "achieved," rather than an experience you share together. That performance pressure is counterproductive: the more you focus on playing a role, the less space there is to actually feel what is happening. And let’s be honest: reaching climax on command is difficult enough for most of us without that extra pressure. 6. You don't get to know your own body If you constantly fake it, you skip a crucial step: figuring out what you actually need. What touch, what pace, what pressure, what spot. Without that knowledge, you remain dependent on luck instead of insight—and that insight is exactly what you need to reach climax more often (and more easily), together or alone. So what can you do instead? The real solution is less exciting than faking, but much more effective: talk. During sex, or afterwards in bed, perhaps over a cup of tea. A few tips to get started: Say what does work. "That feels really good" is just as valuable as constructive feedback. Gently guide them. "A bit softer" or "a little more to the left" isn't a mood killer, it's a gift. Get to know yourself first. Taking time for yourself, for example with a yoni egg to become more aware of your pelvic floor and arousal, or a vibrator like Pawny to discover what works for you. That makes it a lot easier to share that with a partner later. Normalize that it doesn't always happen. Not every time needs to end in an orgasm to be good sex. Taking that pressure away actually makes reaching climax more likely at other times. You can find many more tips here about communication during sex. Stop faking Faking might feel like the easiest path in the moment. But in the long run, it costs you the very pleasure that it’s all about. Honesty — in the bedroom and beyond — always takes you further than a well-acted moan. Frequently asked questions about faking an orgasm Why do women fake orgasms more often than men? Often out of insecurity, time pressure, or to avoid disappointing their partner. Research shows that the majority of women have faked it at some point. Usually, it's to make the sex end sooner, not to please the other person. Additionally, the orgasm gap also plays a role. Is faking it occasionally a big deal? Doing it once won't ruin your relationship. But if it becomes a habit, it fools your partner about what works, and fools yourself about what you actually need. How do I stop faking without it being awkward? Start small: provide simple, positive guidance in the moment ("that feels good," "a bit higher"). That feels less confrontational than a major conversation and often works just as well. Does self-exploration (masturbation) help to fake less? Definitely. The better you know your own body, the easier it is to explain (or show) what works, instead of just making something up in the moment.

Normal, healthy and good for you both. Yes, really, masturbating while you are in a relationship can boost your sex life. More on that later. But first: there is a persistent idea that masturbation is something for when you are alone. That, once you are in a relationship, you shouldn't have any need for solo sex anymore. And that if you do it anyway, there is apparently something wrong. With you, with your partner, or with your relationship. And that is simply not true. Why masturbation is good for you Masturbation has demonstrable benefits for your physical and mental health. Not as an alternative to sex with a partner, but just on its own. Immune system - An orgasm stimulates the production of white blood cells. Good news for your resistance. Stress reduction - An orgasm releases endorphins that reduce stress and tension. Better sleep - The relaxation after an orgasm helps you fall asleep faster. Better mood - The dopamine and oxytocin that are released contribute to a positive feeling. Why solo sex is okay, even when you have a partner Sex with a partner is wonderful (if things are going well), but it also demands something of you. You are together in the moment, there is foreplay, you have to consider someone else. That is beautiful, but it also takes energy. Sometimes you need something that demands less from you. No coordination, no expectations, just yourself. And that is exactly what solo sex offers. It is more accessible, faster, and completely at your own pace. That has nothing to do with whether you find your partner attractive, whether your relationship is good, or whether you want to have sex together enough. They are simply two different things, each with their own place. Myths to let go of 1. "If you masturbate, you aren't satisfied with your partner." Solo sex and sex with a partner are separate things. Most people who masturbate regularly also have a satisfying sex life with their partner. The one does not exclude the other. 2. "Masturbation is for when you're on your own." Masturbation is normal in every stage of life and in every relationship situation. Whether you are single, in a committed relationship, or married for years, solo sex is simply part of it. 3. "Toys are only necessary if the sex isn't good." A vibrator or other toy is not a last resort. It is a way to discover more about what you like, and you can bring that knowledge to sex with your partner. Solo sex makes you a better (bed) partner The better you know what you like, the easier it is to communicate that to your partner. Masturbation is a form of self-knowledge. And self-knowledge makes you more conscious, more confident, and more open in bed. Many people discover through solo sex what they truly enjoy, separate from the expectations of someone else. They bring those discoveries to sex with their partner. That leads to better communication, and often better sex together too. Discover the best solo toys Curious which toys work well for solo sex? We have listed the very best solo sex toys for you. And you can use most of them together as well. Have fun!

Your body and your mind don't always work together. And that's perfectly normal. In this blog, we explain what getting wet actually is, why it's not the same as being aroused, and why natural lubricant is for everyone; not just for those "who can't get it up."

Men don't always feel like having sex, and that's more normal than you think. For men, women and couples who want to understand why sexual desire fluctuates, and what that says (and especially doesn't say) about you and/or your relationship.

Role playing can add some spice to your relationship. But it can be nerve-wracking to get started. How do you suggest the idea to your partner? What if you don't like it after all? How do you actually begin? We have listed a few tips for you. What actually is role playing? Role playing involves taking on a different role or persona within an intimate setting. Think of the classic "strangers in a bar," but also playful scenarios like: The strict (or conversely, clumsy) teacher The mysterious stranger traveling Two people who "accidentally" meet each other It is not about acting skills, but about fantasy, playfulness, and momentarily breaking free from the everyday. Why can role playing be good for your relationship? Are you in a (long-term) relationship? Then it is sometimes good to consciously step out of your set dynamic and explore a different interaction by adopting a different setting, attitude, or identity. It can break the routine, breathe new life into or enrich your sex life, and: Help break fixed patterns Stimulate curiosity and creativity Open up the conversation about desires and boundaries Provide more playfulness and connection How do you start with role playing? Good news: you don't have to memorize a script. Start small: Choose a simple scenario: who, what, and where is enough. Keep it close to yourself. Agree on boundaries; choose a safe word for peace of mind. Agree that laughter is always allowed. See it as an experiment, not a performance You can even start with just a different setting or tone, without going fully "in character." How do you ask your partner about this? This is often the most nerve-wracking part. Keep it light and close to yourself. A few examples: “I came across something about role playing and I was curious to know what you think about it.” “I notice that I enjoy exploring new things together, how do you feel about that?” Important: no is also okay. Enthusiasm only works if it comes from both sides. Play more Role playing is not a must and not a solution for everything. It is one of many ways in which partners can experiment with intimacy, fantasy, and communication. Above all, it requires mutual respect, curiosity, and safety. Not really into role playing, but still want to experiment with your partner? Seek connection through meaningful conversations. Experiment with surrender and dominance with Shibari; the Japanese art of bondage. Try a new toy together.

You might think of a specific spot on your body right away when you read the words 'erogenous zones.' And your thought about that spot will be a positive one... Nothing coming to mind? Then read on to discover what erogenous zones are and how to discover them (with pleasure). What are erogenous zones? Erogenous zones might sound like something from a biology lesson, but they are actually just spots on your body that are slightly more sensitive than the rest. Your body reacts to touch, warmth, breath, or light pressure in these areas. This can be pleasant, arousing, or simply very relaxing. And no: it’s not just about sex. Sometimes it’s primarily about attention and connection. Everyone has them—but not everyone has them in the same places. Where are erogenous zones located? Many people immediately think of the genitals when they hear 'erogenous zones,' but the body has many more. You might already know these spots (or they might be worth touching lovingly): Neck and throat Ears Lips and mouth Chest and nipples Abdomen and lower back Inner thighs Hands and wrists Feet and toes In addition, there are other spots, such as the scalp, knees, or even the crook of the elbow. It is different for everyone what counts as an erogenous zone and what does not. Does everyone have the same number of erogenous zones? Nope. One person seems to be one big erogenous zone, while another might only be able to point out a few. How many you have depends on your body, your experiences, your mood, and above all: how relaxed you are. Because stress is a real mood-killer. A quick summary of what influences your special spots: Biology – how sensitive your nervous system is Experience – touches you have learned to find pleasant Context and trust – who is touching you and in what setting Mental state – stress or relaxation influences what you feel Is it useful to know what your erogenous zones are? You can certainly call it useful to know what you like. If you know your own erogenous zones, you can play with them consciously: during foreplay with a partner or to pamper yourself. Knowing what works makes everything more relaxed and fun. Tips for stimulating erogenous zones Want to go on a voyage of discovery? A few simple, accessible tips: Start slowlyLess is often more. Soft touches, light pressure, or even just being near one another can be enough. Use varietyAlternate between warm/cold, soft/a bit firmer, hand/lips. Surprise makes you more sensitive. Play with tempoDon’t move to the next spot immediately. Linger for a while. That build-up makes a big difference. Communicate (yes, really)A simple “do you like this?” or “that feels good” makes everything more relaxed and enjoyable. Listen to your bodyBreathing, goosebumps, relaxation—these are all signals. You don’t have to force anything. Remember: no performanceThere is no right or wrong. What feels good today might feel different tomorrow. Can your erogenous zones change? They certainly can. Through new experiences, more self-knowledge, or simply because your life changes. So keep on exploring.

At first glance, it might seem that sports and sex have little in common (other than the sweating during both), but they share a surprising number of similarities. Sex and sports are good for your body and your mind During both sports and sex, your body produces substances such as endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin.These hormones: reduce stress create a feeling of happiness promote relaxation boost your self-confidence After a sporting activity or a pleasant intimate moment, you often feel calmer, happier, and more balanced. You use the same muscle groups When exercising, you train your core, legs, and arms — but also your pelvic floor muscles.Those same muscles play an important role in: sexual sensitivity more intense orgasms greater control and relaxation Strong, conscious muscles lead to more pleasure, both on the field and off. Rhythm, timing, and focus are essential Whether you are playing a rally or surrendering to pleasure: it is all about rhythm timing and being present in the moment The better you feel what your body is doing, the more enjoyable the experience becomes. Practice makes it more fun In sports, everyone knows: the more you play, the better you get.The same applies equally to sex and self-pleasure: you learn what you enjoy you become more confident you dare to enjoy yourself more It is not a performance, but a journey of discovery. It is a form of self-care We don't just exercise to stay fit, but also to: take time for ourselves release tension feel good in our bodies Sex and masturbation are also forms of self-care: moments when you give attention to yourself, relax, and enjoy — without any guilt. Let's move! Both sports and sex are about energy, connection with your body, and pleasure.They are not opposites, but rather allies in a healthy, powerful, and relaxed life.

New Year's resolutions often have to do with eating healthier, exercising more, or reducing stress. But what about your sex life? That deserves attention too. Therefore: Five resolutions that not only improve your sex life, but also deepen the relationship with yourself and (potentially) your partner. 1. Stop faking orgasms Let’s get right to the point: if you fake orgasms, now is the time to stop. The more often you fake an orgasm, the harder it becomes to actually have one during sex. Your partner gets the idea that what they are doing is working, and will continue to repeat this 'recipe for success.' Not because they don't care about you, but precisely because they want to make you feel good. The result? You become further removed from your true pleasure, and your partner has no idea what you actually enjoy. Honesty in bed is therefore not a turn-off, but a gift — for both of you. 2. More self-love Self-love goes beyond the occasional warm bath or a kind word to yourself. It also means: taking the time to discover your own body. By stimulating yourself with your hand or a vibrator, you learn what you like, what you need, and what your boundaries are. Moreover, orgasms are healthy: they reduce stress, improve your sleep, strengthen your immune system, and provide a healthy dose of feel-good hormones. So don't see it as something 'extra,' but as an essential part of taking good care of yourself. 3. Better communication with your partner Do you have a partner? Then communication is the key to a great sex life. And no, that's not just about dirty talk (though that’s allowed, of course). Conversations outside the bedroom are just as important: about desires, insecurities, boundaries, and needs. Being vulnerable and open strengthens the emotional bond — and you feel that connection back in bed. Sex becomes more intimate, safer, and often more exciting when you truly feel seen by each other. 4. Experiment more Experimenting doesn't have to be grand or intense, and it certainly shouldn't be something you do against your will. Be clear: if you are sure you don't want to do something, you don't have to try it. But are you curious about something new? Then you are allowed to explore that. Experimenting can also be small: a different place, a different time, a new position, or more focus on foreplay. And if it doesn't work out? That's okay too. You tried it, you learned something new — and hopefully, you were able to laugh about it together. 5. Charge your vibrator If you know, you know. Nothing is as frustrating as a vibrator that dies right before you reach your climax. See it as self-care: make sure your toys are ready when you need them. You deserve that pleasure, without interruptions (and with an orgasm). So, make your sex life a priority and put these resolutions on your list. Not because you 'have to,' but because you 'get to.' For more pleasure, more connection, and above all: more you.

How to create more intimacy and connection A good sex life doesn't start in the bedroom — it starts with communication. Many couples struggle with intimacy, desire, or connection, while the key is often surprisingly simple: really talking to each other. But why is communication so important? And how does talking help improve your sex life? In this blog, you will discover how open conversations not only bring you closer together, but can also reignite the spark completely. Why communication is the foundation of a strong sex life 1. You understand each other's needs better Everyone has different desires, boundaries, and expectations. If you don't know what your partner enjoys — or vice versa — it soon becomes difficult to give each other what you need. Open conversations create understanding, which leads to trust and relaxation. And relaxation is precisely what is essential for good sex. 2. Communication creates emotional safety When you feel safe with your partner, you feel more comfortable being vulnerable. That could mean sharing fantasies, setting boundaries, or talking about things you feel insecure about. This emotional safety translates directly into more depth and intimacy in bed. 3. You break through misunderstandings and silences Without communication, partners often make assumptions about each other, resulting in frustration or distance. By talking, you prevent miscommunication — making room for connection, playfulness, and passion. How good communication improves your sex life ✔ You feel seen and heard When you notice that your partner is listening, paying attention, and understands you, your connection grows. That connection is the foundation for greater physical attraction. ✔ You dare to experiment more Conversations make it easier to try new things and be open to each other's wishes. This keeps your sex life vibrant and exciting, rather than predictable. ✔ You strengthen the bond outside and inside the bedroom Many couples find that better communication not only improves their sex life, but also their relationship as a whole. A stronger emotional bond automatically translates into more desire and intimacy. How to go about it: communicating about intimacy? Talking effectively about sex or feelings isn't second nature to everyone. For many couples, it feels nerve-wracking or awkward. Fortunately, there are simple ways to get started: 1. Start with small, safe questions Ask, for example: What did you enjoy about our day together? What makes you feel connected to me? This opens the door to deeper conversations. 2. Use "I" statements Instead of: "You do..."Say: "I feel..."That prevents defensive reactions and makes room for true listening. 3. Keep it fun and lighthearted A conversation about intimacy doesn't have to be heavy. Make it a moment of connection, for example with a glass of wine, candles, or a game. Use a game to make conversations easier – discover Together Do you want to talk more easily about desires, emotions, and connection without it feeling 'heavy'? Then the Together game for couples is a perfect tool. Why Together works: It contains playful and profound questions that help couples get to know each other better. It also includes spicy questions that naturally get conversations about intimacy flowing. It helps couples be more honest and open in a safe and fun way. The game makes it easy to discuss topics you might normally find difficult to bring up. By engaging in conversation together, you not only create more understanding and connection, but you will often notice that your sex life gets a huge boost. After all, connection is the foundation of desire. Communication is the key to a better sex life Good sex is not just about technique, but above all about connection. By communicating, you: understand each other's desires better, create safety and trust, and strengthen both your emotional and physical intimacy. Do you want a fun and low-threshold way to get started? Try the Together game for couples and discover how talking takes your relationship and sex life to a higher level.  

Talking about sex and intimacy with your partner can be exciting. Many couples want to better align their needs and desires, but don't really know how to start the conversation about sex. Yet, open communication can lead to more connection, trust, and pleasure in your relationship. In this blog, you will discover practical tips for having a pleasant and constructive conversation. Tips for a good conversation about sex and intimacy with your partner Choose a relaxed moment Timing is everything. Don't start talking about sex while your partner is busy with chores, or just before you have to head out the door. Instead, choose a calm and relaxed moment when you both have time and attention. This prevents the conversation from feeling rushed or superficial. Start and end positively Do you want to discuss something you find difficult? Start and end the conversation with something you actually enjoy. For example: “I love it when you touch me like that”. This makes your partner feel appreciated and prevents the conversation from sounding like an attack. Use "I" statements By speaking in the "I" form, you share from your own experience and feelings. For example, say: “I notice that I don't find this very comfortable” instead of “You are doing this wrong”. This makes the conversation softer and more personal, making your partner less likely to feel attacked. Ask questions and listen A good conversation about sex and intimacy is not a monologue. Ask questions like: “I enjoy this and would like to do it more often. What makes you happy?”. This creates space for mutual understanding and helps you discover what you both find important. Be open about your vulnerability It is perfectly okay to say that you find it difficult to talk about sex. A sentence like: “I would like to talk to you about our sex life, but I find it quite nerve-wracking” often removes a lot of tension. Vulnerability creates more intimacy and trust. Choose neutral ground Avoid the bedroom as a permanent conversation location. It can be nicer to talk on neutral ground, such as during a walk or a coffee break. This prevents the place where you are normally intimate from feeling loaded. Use a starting point Do you find it difficult to just start? Use a starting point, such as a podcast (for example Make Love Work) or an article you have read. You can then say: “I heard something interesting the other day… what do you think about that?”. That makes the conversation feel more natural and less heavy. Don't wait too long The longer you walk around with the thought that you want to discuss something, the harder it often becomes. Just start the conversation. The sooner you talk about it, the lighter and more open the atmosphere remains. Let's talk about sex baby... A good conversation about sex and intimacy with your partner doesn't have to be complicated at all. By choosing the right moment, staying positive, asking questions, and being vulnerable, you create a safe space for openness and connection. This way, talking about sex becomes not only less nerve-wracking, but actually a way to get closer to each other.

Libido. What exactly is libido anyway? And is it really true that men in particular have a high libido? Can you increase your libido? And do those libido boosters actually work? Time to separate the facts from the myths. What is libido? Quite simply: libido is your sex drive. Your sexual desire, your "craving," as the Flemish so nicely put it. It’s not an on/off switch, but rather a sliding scale that is sometimes nice and high (yes, let’s go!) and sometimes so low that you wonder if you’re ever going to get it (back) again. Is libido the same for men and women? Short answer: no, but also yes. Men often have the reputation that their libido is always "on." Spoiler: that’s a persistent myth. Men can just as easily experience a decreased sex drive due to stress, fatigue, or relationship problems. Women are often told that they supposedly have a lower libido. Also nonsense. It may just look a bit different: for many women, emotional connection plays a bigger role, which means the "on switch" doesn't respond as directly. So: libido is present in everyone, but the form and the triggers differ. It’s more of a custom job than a standard factory setting. Can you increase or decrease your libido? Yes! But before you enthusiastically Google "libido boosters," a small disclaimer: it’s not a matter of one pill or one trick. Libido is a cocktail of physical, emotional, and even social factors. A few influences: Stress & fatigue: Nothing is as much of a libido killer as a ten-foot-long to-do list that keeps haunting your thoughts. Relationship quality: If you’ve been arguing for weeks about who empties the dishwasher, it’s unlikely you’ll be in the mood for a passionate romp afterward. Hormones: Think of the female cycle, testosterone in men, or changes during menopause. Health: Certain medications, alcohol, or, conversely, excessive exercise can have an influence. How can you influence your libido? A few lighthearted tips that often help more than you might think: Sleep is sexy – a rested body is more in the mood. Communicate – yes, talking is sometimes just as arousing as touching (and often the best start). Exercise – working out makes you feel better in your skin, and that shines through. Variety – foreplay is fun, but surprises keep the flame burning. Mindset – stop comparing. Your libido doesn't have to be "average" or "normal." It is yours, and that is exactly right. In conclusion Libido is not a scoreboard where you can lose by being "high" or "low." It’s more of a dance that you perform together with your body (and perhaps your partner). Sometimes it’s wild and almost goes through the roof, sometimes it’s gentle or even completely absent for a while. And that is all okay.

More and more people, especially Gen Z, are consciously choosing sober sex. The idea? Sexual experiences without the influence of alcohol or drugs, also known as "sobergasms." This trend is gaining popularity in 2026. Why have sober sex? Where a drink used to help people loosen up, it’s now more about awareness and consent. Sober sex promotes intimacy, self-confidence, and a deeper connection. It allows people to truly feel, communicate, and respect boundaries. A conscious bedroom The sobergasm trend aligns with broader lifestyle trends like sober dating and mindful living. Toys can deepen this experience, provided they are chosen consciously. At www.lielei.nl, you will find toys that fit within this philosophy: stylish, quiet, subtle, and body-friendly. Tips for sobergasms: Start with sensual massages or breathing exercises. Choose toys that don’t distract you, but support you. Create a calm, safe environment with soft lighting.  

How to Say What You Want (Without Ruining the Moment)? Sex is wonderful. Exciting. Intimate. And often... quiet. Many people find it nerve-wracking to talk during sex. Yet, communication is precisely the key to truly great, synchronized sex. But how do you actually do it? How do you tell your partner to go faster, or perhaps slower? How do you indicate that you would prefer to be touched in a different spot, without disrupting the mood? In this blog, we provide practical tips for communicating honestly, clearly, and sexily in bed. 1. Make communication part of the excitement Many people think of "talking about sex" as a serious conversation at the kitchen table. That can certainly be valuable, but during sex itself, it can also remain playful and exciting. A simple whisper like "a little softer there...", or "yes, stay right there..." can provide a lot of direction and heighten the tension. Tip: Start small. A compliment followed by a suggestion often works well, such as: "Mmm, that feels good... maybe a little slower?" 2. Use your body and your voice Communication doesn't always have to be verbal. You can also use your body to indicate what you want. Gently push a hand in a different direction, move your hips to the rhythm that feels good to you, or hold someone still if you want to take a break. Tip: Non-verbal contact can be a very sensual form of attunement. Also pay attention to how your partner reacts to your signals – that’s how you get to know each other even better. 3. Say what you want, not just what you don’t want Negative feedback ("not there!" or "that hurts") may be necessary – and should always be able to be given safely. But if that is the only form of communication, it can feel like rejection. So, try to mention what you *do* want as well. Example: Instead of "not so rough," you can say: "Softer is better for me, then I can feel you more." 4. Use positive reinforcement When your partner does something you like, let them know. Moaning, sighing, moving, or simply saying: "yes, like that" – it helps your partner understand what works and builds confidence. Bonus: People learn faster from positive feedback than from negative feedback. So the more you show what you like, the more often you will get it back. 5. Be honest, but gentle Sometimes you want something to be different, but you are afraid of hurting your partner. Remember: true intimacy is also about vulnerability. If you express something in a loving way, you create space for more pleasure for both of you. Example: "I'm really enjoying this moment, and I think I would enjoy it even more if you went a little lower with your hand." 6. After sex: debrief without pressure A short post-sex chat doesn't have to be heavy. Ask, for example: "What did you enjoy most?" or "Was there anything you would have liked to be different?". This creates space for growth, connection, and even better sex in the future. Communicating = sexy Talking during sex doesn’t have to kill the mood – it can actually deepen it, make it more playful, and lead to more pleasure for both of you. See communication as part of foreplay and part of the enjoyment itself. And don't be afraid to learn. That, too, is sexy. 💬 Have you found a good way to communicate during sex? Share it with us via Instagram @fun.with.lielei or leave a comment below this blog. You can also send in a question. Who knows, we might answer it soon in a #talkwithlielei video. Curious about how we do that? Watch the video below. #TalkwithLieLei

Sex toys can be great tools for making your sex life more exciting, intimate, and creative. But not everyone feels comfortable with the idea right away. Sometimes your partner might feel insecure: "Am I not enough?", "Am I doing something wrong?", or "Am I being replaced now?" are feelings that are quite normal in such a situation. The way you introduce toys therefore makes a world of difference. Here are a few tips to do so lovingly and respectfully. Tips for introducing sex toys 1. Start outside the bedroom Choose a quiet moment to bring up the subject, for example during a walk or a relaxed evening on the couch. This way, you don't immediately associate the conversation with performance or pressure. You could say something like: "I saw something interesting about toys recently and I thought: that sounds like something fun for us to explore together." This keeps it light and open. So don't suddenly pull a huge dildo out of your nightstand in the middle of sex (unless you know your partner finds that hilarious). Because laughing together in bed = always good. 2. Focus on the 'together' Make it clear right away that it’s not about replacement, but about enhancement. Explain that you see it as a new experience you share together. Say, for example: "I already love what we have, but I'm curious about what else we can discover together." This emphasizes that you are satisfied, but also curious. 3. Build the fantasy together Invite your partner to explore toys with you. Browse through a sexy webshop together, send a cheeky suggestion via WhatsApp, or suggest picking out a toy together. Involve your partner — it then becomes ‘our project’ instead of ‘my wish’. 4. Ask questions and really listen Give your partner space to share their feelings. Ask: "How do you feel about that idea?" and be genuinely interested in the answer, without pushing. Perhaps your partner has concerns that you can come up with solutions for together — for example, trying something small and simple first, or reading information together first. 5. Start small Don't go full throttle immediately with bondage kits and powerful wand vibrators, unless you are both ready for that. Small, subtle toys like a luxury bullet, a clitoral stimulating oil, or a soft massage vibrator are perfect entry-level items that invite exploration without pressure. The goal is to spark curiosity, not to overwhelm. 6. Keep it playful Don't introduce the toy as a serious "test," but as a playful extra. Laughing is allowed, fumbling is too. By keeping it light, you take away a lot of pressure. 7. Check in regularly Ask during the experimentation (or afterward): "How did you like it?" This shows you care about their experience and that everything is open for discussion. Maybe your partner wants to adjust things, or new ideas have come up. 8. Praise the reaction, not the toy When you use a toy, focus on your partner: how beautiful they look when they’re enjoying themselves, how good they sound, how it turns you both on. Don’t just say: "Wow, this vibrator is amazing." Say instead: "You are so incredibly sexy when you enjoy yourself like that." That small difference makes it emotionally safe — and very hot. Using sex toys together The most important thing is that it doesn't become a 'must'. Sexual discoveries are only truly fun when both partners feel safe, desired, and appreciated. Patience, openness, and humor are your greatest allies here. Playing together is winning together. Are you ready? Then take a look at all sex toys that are suitable for couples who are just getting started. Want to see all sex toys for couples? You can find them here.   #TalkwithLieLei Do you want to hear (and see) our advice as well? Then check out the video below from #TalkwithLieLei.  

Fact or fiction? You can buy them at the drugstore these days: vibrators and other sex toys. With so much accessibility, you would think every woman has one in her nightstand. Yet, that is far from the case. A commonly heard reason? The fear of becoming "desensitized" through the use of sex toys — especially when sharing the bed with a partner again. Because what if you can hardly reach an orgasm without a toy anymore? LieLei looked into it for you: Do you really become desensitized from sex toys? Spoiler alert: no. You do not become desensitized from using sex toys. Where does this myth come from, then? Some women do indeed experience that it is more difficult to reach an orgasm with a partner after they have become accustomed to their toy. They describe it as "taking longer" or even "it just doesn't work anymore without it." But this has nothing to do with "desensitization" — it has to do with habituation, expectations, and a little bit of biology. Why does a sex toy actually work so well? Let's look at the numbers:When women masturbate, about 95% reach an orgasm. If sex with a man is added, that percentage drops to about 65%. This phenomenon is also known as the orgasm gap. That difference can be partially explained: when you are in control yourself, you know exactly what you like — and you don't have to take anyone else into account. Add a powerful air-pulse or vibrating toy to that, and the orgasm can even come within a few minutes. While you might have needed half an hour in the past, you now discover that it can also be done in two minutes. Why? You know exactly what you like yourself. You can keep stimulating that one specific spot. And honestly: a vibrator doesn't get tired, doesn't lose its rhythm, and has no ego... And then suddenly: sex with a partner again Once you have experienced how fast and intense an orgasm can be with a toy, "regular" sex sometimes feels slow or less "effective." Not because you feel less — but because you have become accustomed to getting an orgasm quickly. You know what is possible, so your patience has simply run out a bit. It feels like a step backward, but it is not necessarily one. What can you do? Fortunately, this does not mean you have to choose between toys and partners. On the contrary. Here are some great tips to combine the best of both worlds: Let go of the performance pressure. Sex is not just about "finishing as quickly as possible." Focus on the pleasure, not the stopwatch. Learn to communicate clearly. Tell them what you like. Give directions. And as a partner: listen, observe, and try. Don't be offended if you get directions; after all, you want your partner to enjoy it, right? Use sex toys together. Yes, even in bed with a partner! Toys can actually deepen your sex life. Think of an air-pulse toy during oral sex, a bullet vibrator during penetration, or a duo toy where you enjoy together. Myth: you don't become desensitized from sex toys No, you do not become desensitized from sex toys. But you do become accustomed to the efficiency and direct stimulation they provide. If it then takes a bit more time or coordination with a partner, it suddenly seems much more difficult. The solution? Adjust expectations, communicate, and above all: keep having fun — with or without a toy. Want to know which toys suit you (and your partner) best? In a future blog, we will list our favorites for you. Stay tuned! 💙   Try it together?💙 View our toys for couples – for the best of both worlds.

Sex after pregnancy can be exciting, but often also brings with it uncertainties. When is it time again? And how do you start having sex again?

Sexuality is one of the most intimate and powerful aspects of our lives. Yet, it can sometimes be difficult to understand exactly what truly turns you (and your partner) on. Why does one person need a sensual atmosphere while the other wants to get straight to the point? Why does tension and anticipation feel like a turn-on for some, while for others it feels uncomfortable? The five sexual archetypes The five sexual archetypes come from the work of Jaiya, a sexologist who created this classification to help people better understand their sexual preferences and desires. The five archetypes are: The Sensual Loves touch, atmosphere, scent, music, and aesthetics. This type has a romantic, sensory approach to sexuality and is turned on by a nice ambiance and physical contact. The Energetic Responds to tension, desire, and anticipation. This type is drawn to subtle signals, distance, and the play of desire. Sometimes, direct sexual contact can be too much if there is no build-up. The Sexual Loves direct, classic sex and is quickly aroused by visual or physical stimuli. This archetype views sexuality as something natural and can become impatient if there are too many distractions. The Kinky Loves exploring taboos, power dynamics, and unconventional forms of pleasure. This can be mental (role-play) as well as physical (for example, bondage). The Shapeshifter Has characteristics of all the archetypes above and enjoys variety. This type can adapt to different partners and styles. Why is it useful to know your archetype? It helps you better understand what turns you on and how your sexual energy works. You can improve communication with a partner by understanding where your preferences lie and how you can complement each other. It helps reduce frustrations or misunderstandings in your sex life, as you become more conscious of what you need to get aroused. Want to know more? Would you like to dive deeper into these archetypes? Then listen to the Make Love Work podcast: Make Love Work Podcast. Curious about which sexual archetype you are? Take the test at Make Love Work and discover how you can enrich your love life!

Are you looking for a new and exciting experience in the field of anal stimulation? Then the BOO vibrating butt plug from Oh Collective is exactly what you want! Whether you are a beginner or already have experience with butt plugs, this vibrating butt plug should not be missing in your nightstand. In this blog we discuss why the BOO is a must-have and we give tips on how to best use this vibrating butt plug.