Do sex toys make you desensitized?

Fact or fiction?

Nowadays, you can just buy them at the drugstore: vibrators and other sex toys. With so much accessibility, you would think that every woman would have one in her nightstand. However, that is far from the case. A frequently heard reason? The fear of becoming 'desensitized' by using sex toys - especially when the bed is shared with a partner again. Because what if you can hardly reach an orgasm without a toy?

LieLei investigated it for you: Do sex toys really make you desensitized?

Spoiler alert: no.

Using sex toys doesn't make you less sensitive. So where does this myth come from?

Some women do indeed find that it is harder to orgasm with a partner after they have become accustomed to their toy. They describe it as “taking longer” or even “just can’t do it without it anymore.” But this is not a matter of “desensitization” — it is a matter of habit, expectations, and a bit of biology.

Why does a sex toy actually work so well?

Let's look at the numbers:
When women masturbate , about 95% reach orgasm. Add sex with a man to the mix and that percentage drops to about 65% . This phenomenon is known as the orgasm gap .

Part of the reason for this difference is that when you are in control, you know exactly what you like — and you don’t have to take anyone else into account. Add a powerful air pressure or vibration vibrator to that, and orgasm can even come within a few minutes. Where you might have needed half an hour before, you now discover that it can also be done in two minutes.

Why?

• You know exactly what you like.
  
• You can continue to stimulate that one spot in a targeted manner.
  
• And let's be honest: a vibrator doesn't get tired, doesn't lose pace, and has no ego…
  
  

And then suddenly: sex with a partner again

Once you’ve experienced how fast and intense an orgasm can be with a toy, “regular” sex can sometimes feel slow or less “effective.” Not because you feel less — but because you ’ve become used to reaching orgasm quickly . You know what’s possible, so your patience has simply run out. It feels like a step backwards, but it’s not necessarily so.

What can you do?

Luckily, this doesn't mean you have to choose between toys and partners. On the contrary. Here are some great tips to combine the best of both worlds:

• Let go of the pressure to perform . Sex isn't just about "getting off as fast as possible." Focus on the pleasure, not the stopwatch.
  
• Learn to communicate clearly . Tell what you like. Give directions. And as a partner: listen, observe, and try. Don't take offense when you get directions; you want your partner to like it, right?
  
• Use sex toys together . Yes, even in bed with a partner! Toys can actually deepen your sex life. Think of an air pressure toy during oral sex, a bullet vibrator during penetration, or a duo toy that you enjoy together.

Conclusion: it is a myth

No, sex toys don’t desensitize you. But you do get used to the efficiency and direct stimulation they provide. If it then takes a little more time or coordination with a partner, it suddenly seems much more difficult. The solution? Adjust expectations, communicate, and above all: keep having fun — with or without a toy.

Want to know which toys suit you (and your partner) best? In a next blog we will list our favorites for you. Stay tuned! 💙

Want to try it together?
💙 Check out our couples toys – for the best of both worlds.