
How do you introduce sex toys in bed?
Share
Sex toys can be great tools to make your sex life more exciting, intimate and creative. But not everyone feels comfortable with the idea right away. Sometimes your partner may feel insecure: "Am I not enough?", "Am I doing something wrong?" or "Am I being replaced?" are feelings that are very normal in such a situation. The way you introduce toys can make a world of difference. Here are some tips on how to do that lovingly and respectfully.
1. Start outside the bedroom
Choose a quiet moment to broach the subject, for example during a walk or a relaxing evening on the couch. That way you don't immediately link the conversation to performance or pressure. You could say something like: "I saw something interesting about toys the other day and I thought: that seems fun to explore together." That way you keep it light and open. So don't suddenly pull a huge dildo out of your nightstand in the middle of sex (unless you know your partner finds that hilarious). Because laughing together in bed = always good.
2. Focus on the 'together'
Make it clear right away that this is not about replacing, but about expanding. Explain that you see it as a new experience that you share together. For example, say: "I already love what we have, but I'm curious about what else we can discover together." This emphasizes that you are satisfied, but also curious.
3. Build the fantasy together
Invite your partner to explore toys together. Scroll through a sexy webshop together, send a naughty suggestion via WhatsApp, or suggest picking out a toy together. Involve your partner — it becomes 'our project' instead of 'my wish'.
4. Ask questions and really listen
Give your partner space to share their feelings. Ask, “How does that idea make you feel?” and be genuinely interested in the answer, without pushing. Maybe your partner has concerns that you can work together to solve — like trying something small and simple first, or reading information together first.
5. Start small
Don’t go full throttle with bondage kits and powerful wand vibrators unless you’re both ready for it. Small, subtle toys like a fancy bullet , a clitoris-stimulating oil , or a soft massaging vibrator are perfect entry points that invite exploration without pressure. The goal is to pique curiosity, not overwhelm.
6. Make it playful
Don't introduce the toy as a serious "test" but as a playful extra. Laughing is allowed, so is fumbling. By keeping it light, you take away a lot of pressure.
7. Check in regularly
During the experiment (or afterwards), ask: "How did you like it?" This shows that you care about their experience and that everything is open for discussion. Maybe your partner wants to change things, or new ideas have emerged.
8. Praise the response, not the toy
When you’re using a toy, focus on your partner: how beautiful she looks when she’s enjoying herself, how good she’s moaning, how it’s turning you both on. Don’t just say, “Wow, this vibrator is amazing.” Instead, say, “You’re so unbelievably sexy when you’re enjoying yourself like this.” That small difference makes it emotionally safe — and really hot.
Take away
The most important thing is that it does not become a 'must'. Sexual discoveries are only really fun when both partners feel safe, wanted and appreciated. Patience, openness and humor are your greatest friends. Playing together is winning together.
Are you ready?
Then check out all the sex toys that are suitable for couples who are just starting out. Want to see all the sex toys for couples? You can find them here .
#TalkwithLeiLei
Want to hear (and see) our advice? Watch the video below of #TalkwithLieLei.