Tips & tricks

A smack on your buttocks can feel surprisingly good, and there is an explanation for that. Pain and pleasure are processed in your brain partly by the same systems. When you are spanked, your body produces substances that dampen pain and can give you a nice, slightly floaty feeling. And the person doing the spanking often becomes very focused. For many people, spanking with mutual consent is a way to feel more. Read on to find out exactly what happens and how to try it out safely. Pain and pleasure: neighbors in your brain It sounds contradictory, but pain and pleasure are closer together in your mind than you think. In a review study, neuroscientists Leknes and Tracey showed that pain and pleasure partly use the same brain areas and signaling substances. The reward system, where dopamine plays a role, and the body's own opioid system, involving substances like endorphins, are involved in both. As a result, a stimulus that is actually a little painful can also be experienced as pleasurable in the right setting. That setting is the keyword. A smack you don't expect or don't want just feels like pain. A smack you have chosen yourself, from someone you trust, and while you are already aroused, is processed very differently in your brain. Your expectations, your mood, and the trust you feel color how you experience the stimulus. What happens in your body The moment the smack lands, your body reacts with alertness. Your heart rate rises, your breathing changes, and your stress system kicks in for a moment. At the same time, your body produces painkillers. This combination of tension and relaxation gives many people a rush, a tingling and energetic feeling that lingers for a while. Research by psychologist Brad Sagarin and colleagues shows that your body really does participate. In the person being spanked or otherwise stimulated, the stress hormone cortisol increased during the session. Couples for whom the session went well felt closer to each other afterward. An exciting experience that you successfully navigate together can therefore strengthen your bond. Subspace and flow: two sides of the same session Anyone who is spanked often might know the word subspace: a state in which you think less, time blurs, and you become completely immersed in the moment. A small study by Ambler and colleagues found evidence that this is correct. In those who received the stimuli, self-awareness and sense of time temporarily decreased. This fits a state in which the thinking, planning part of your brain takes a step back for a moment. And the person doing the spanking? In that study, they were more likely to end up in a flow state: completely focused, with a strong sense of control. So it’s not the case that one person enjoys it while the other is just doing their best. Both roles can provide their own kind of high. The study was small, so view it as an interesting clue rather than hard evidence. How to start spanking safely Start with a conversation, even if it feels exciting to bring it up. What do you both like, how hard is acceptable, and what is a boundary? Agree on a safeword. Many people use a traffic light system: green means keep going, orange means take it slower, and red means stop immediately. Start with your hand. This way you can feel how hard you are hitting and immediately notice how the skin reacts. Warm up the skin with soft taps and caresses, and build up the intensity slowly. Warmed-up skin can handle more and feels the stimulus more pleasantly. Only spank the fleshy parts, i.e., the buttocks and the back of the thighs. Stay away from the lower back, where your kidneys are, and from the tailbone, spine, joints, and head. A pink color and a warm feeling are normal. Broken skin, bruises where you didn't agree on them, or pain that feels different from "good" are signs to stop. From hand to toy If you want more, you can try a toy. The spanking paddle distributes the impact over a larger surface area and provides a firm, thudding sensation. Those who prefer a more stinging effect might look at a flogger like the vegan leather whip. Let the tails glide softly over the skin before you strike. The rope whip is a bit firmer and fits well with those who also enjoy shibari. Make it even more intense with a blindfold. If you don't see when the next hit is coming, every touch becomes more exciting. And those who want to experience it while restrained can combine spanking with vegan leather handcuffs. Aftercare is part of it After a session, the body can have a bit of a dip because the rush is fading. Therefore, take time for each other. A cuddle, something to drink, a cooling cream on the skin, and talking about what felt good make the experience complete. This way, not only your pleasure but also your trust grows. And that is exactly what makes spanking so enjoyable. Ready to get spanked? Let the fun begin! 💙 FAQ about spanking Why do people enjoy spanking? Pain and pleasure are processed in your brain partly by the same systems. With a smack, your body produces substances that dampen pain and can provide a pleasant feeling. If you choose the stimulus yourself and trust the other person, you experience that stimulus differently than ordinary pain. What is subspace? Subspace is a state in which the person being spanked or otherwise stimulated thinks less, time blurs, and they become completely immersed in the moment. A small study found evidence that self-awareness and sense of time temporarily decrease during such a session. Where are you allowed to spank? Only spank the fleshy parts: the buttocks and the back of the thighs. Stay away from the lower back, the tailbone, the spine, joints, and the head. How do you start spanking? First, discuss what you enjoy and agree on a safeword. Start with your hand, warm up the skin with soft taps, and build up the intensity slowly. Which toy can you use to spank? A spanking paddle provides a firm, thudding sensation because the impact is distributed over a large area. A flogger provides a more stinging sensation. Always start gently and build up slowly. Is it normal for the skin to turn red after spanking? A pink or red color and a warm feeling are normal. Stop if there is broken skin, unwanted bruising, or pain that no longer feels good.

We all have a certain image in mind when we hear the word ‘kink’. Whips, pain, ropes, chains, latex... And since the success of ’50 Shades of Grey’ and the rise of more and more play parties and toys, more and more people want to experiment with BDSM. But where on earth do you start if you are interested in kink, but don't really know yet where your desires and boundaries lie? How do you avoid playing a role and instead stay true to yourself? And how can you connect even more with your partner during (or through!) a kinky game?   Connection That connection has become the starting point for kinkHEARTED, the organization that has developed various workshops to explore exactly that connection. In collaboration with Be Touched Community - an inclusive and warm community where authenticity, vulnerability, and connection are central - you can attend various workshops in September, October, and November.   About the workshops During these workshops, you will learn through various exercises how to use pain stimuli, ropes, and power dynamics in a playful way with a partner. The workshops have names like ‘Pain and Pleasure’, ‘Connective Rope’, ‘Find Your Inner Sadist’, and ‘Pressure Points & Power Play’– and that is exactly what will be explored! But there is also attention given to consent, safety, and ways of playing if you are not necessarily into (giving) pain.   For whom? The workshops are suitable for everyone who is interested in new ways of connecting with themselves and with a partner. However, it is nice if you have an open mind and are not deterred by (talking about) sexuality and kink. Both couples and singles are welcome, but as a single, you will also do the exercises with another participant. So, be prepared to deal with multiple people and roles – and thus learn to know yourself and your kink preferences and boundaries better and better! Are you mainly looking to learn how to hit the hardest, do you want to learn technical knotting (see also our blog about Shibari), or do you not believe in safe words? Then these are not the workshops for you. kinkHEARTED stands for ‘kink from the heart’ and the focus during the workshops is on making a connection: with your partner and with yourself.   Be Touched Community This collaboration fits nicely with the Utrecht-based Be Touched Community - where space is offered to experiment with sensuality, intimacy, and authentic expression. The core values of the Be Touched Community are consent, safety, and inclusivity. Here, everyone is allowed to come as they are, with respect for themselves and others. The goal is to provide a place where people can not only discover their desires but also enter into deep connections with others and themselves. Whether you are a beginner or already have more experience, Be Touched invites you to show yourself and grow in an environment focused on care and connection.   Sign up Got excited? You can sign up for the workshops via KinkHEARTED and Be Touched Community. Each workshop is a series of four evenings – so that you can go even deeper. The series is therefore aptly named the ‘Go Deeper’. You can find the start dates per workshop below: Pain and Pleasure, Wednesday, September 24, 7:15 PM Connective Rope, Wednesday, October 8, 7:15 PM Pressure Points & Power Play, Wednesday, October 22, 7:15 PM Find Your Inner Sadist, Wednesday, November 5, 7:15 PM Will we see you there?

In 2025, a striking shift is visible in how people experience intimacy. One of the most notable trends is chastity play. This phenomenon revolves around sexual abstinence and control, often performed with special chastity belts or cages that restrict access to the genitals. But why are more and more people choosing this? Control, surrender, and trust Chastity play is not just about abstinence, but above all about the game of power and surrender. The "wearer" wears a toy that is often locked with a key, managed by a partner (the so-called keyholder). This requires a tremendous amount of mutual trust and offers a deep, emotional connection. Locktober and community Every October, 'Locktober' takes place, a month in which people worldwide voluntarily participate in chastity. Online communities share experiences, challenges, and tips. This trend is growing explosively and shows how mainstream this once-niche game is becoming. Want to experiment with giving control to someone else? Do you want to give control to someone else in a different way or take the reins yourself? Read up about Shibari. Shibari is a Japanese bondage technique currently rising in popularity. It's no wonder, as the bondage technique is a combination of art, connection, and sensual tension. Or the abstinence thereof. It just depends on how you approach it. Already convinced? With our Shibari and bondage collection, you can get started right away. And one more thing... With chastity play, shibari, and bondage, safety is essential. Are you going to use products, toys, or ropes? Always choose body-safe materials and a comfortable design. No idea where to find that? You're already in the right place, because everything you choose on Lielei.nl is safe and reliable. Let the fun begin!